Review of the humans: err yeah i think they are… by moopiechops
May 6, 2008, 7:21 am
Filed under: Humans, Moopiechops | Tags: ,

The weekend passed away, yes another dead weekend, rather sad, but yet not uneventful. There is a review of a movie that i will post shortly, I’m procrastinating, or maybe just teasing the the keyboard with my thoughts. However, some things just can’t wait.

I review for you the humans, my neighbors. This will be an ongoing series of ponderings and useful brain oozings about an experiment of people (its got to be an experiment) that live next door to me. I’ll fill in the background as i post so as not to reveal all the delicious detail all at once. (I don’t want anyone to have a info overload orgasm of holy shit how do you live next to them).

I’ll be brief:

1. family of 3 (sometimes 4), 2 years ago 5 (sometimes7).

2. Non U.S. born. (i’m not either – but i love the flavor that statement brings)

3. Crazy as all fuck. (They deny this, I’ve commented on it to them before, yet still no sign of a proclamation of insanity from any of them)

This Sunday i played golf, as is my habit. Short game- 9 holes- 50 shots, some swearing and a lot of amazement of how a ball can curve so much. I came back and picked up the family to get some breakie at the local farmer’s market. Pull the car up, pile my family in, back out of the drive way, and pull away down the street. I get five feet and out of the corner of my eye i notice the offering.

They must be providing appeasement to the gods. It’s got to be some blossoming of summer ritual where an offering will, i dont know, umm bring them more useless crap throughout the year. The scene stands; in front of an immensely trunked tree that stands on the city side of their sidewalk, they have placed the following collection of items.

1. Box o’ Can’s: These are not soda cans offered to the homeless as a gesture humanity. No these are old (I do mean old they must have been sitting empty for years) canned vegetables. All of them open, and rusting puking out the smells of past vegetation. Oh look a fly.

2. Box o’ Shoes: A collection of some of the finest foot wear a man or woman could come by. Beautifully hand crafted, is that a urine stain on that one, oh my, please keep the children away and call the CDC.

3. Splatter o’ shit: I wasn’t sure of some of the content, there was a lamp, or some type of candle holder painted in dust. It looked like it had been in the kitchen, it had that grime on it that you find when you decide to clean the very top of the cabinet that is nearest your stove top. Greasy grimy fuck all, jesus chirst i need gloves just to look at this shit.

4. Ironing Board: i wanted to leave that one by itself, it didn’t fit neatly into any of the other categories. Just a plain old ironing board. With stains, and rust, and rips, a complete beaut…..

Mind you none of this is very amusing by itself, but what is great is the crayon 3rd grader hand written sign that was placed as a direction to all ye who cometh by… (it was actually on top of the cans, but i’m assuming it applied to all items) “Free: Please Take”

My laughter could not be held in. They actually felt the need to put everyone on notice that this shit you can take. “The shit i have over here is free for the world. I stored it for a while, I’ve been thinking about it, and I’ve decided that it has stayed with me long enough”- so come on world its here for you.

It’s still sitting there, and i suspect it will be for a while….


1 Comment so far
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I love your neighbors. They remind me of the neighbors in The Burbs. I can’t wait to watch this story unfold.

Comment by vinceklortho

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