didordied


Chronicles of Narnia by moopiechops

I am Prince Caspian and I’m a total pussy. I liked the first movie, although i really think the effects were done by some lion obsessed 12 year old with a first release G4. When your lion looks like a dude in a bad cat suit you’ve got problems. Okay so maybe the lion looked alright, but the bear, that was a dude in a suit. The only thing he was missing was a diaper and masturbation. Thats right folks i referenced a masturbating bear.

The sequel to chronicles features prince Caspian (see the pussy above). The way i see it is his only role in the movie is to let all the racist (or whatever you call the people who hate Narnians for no other reason than the fact that they are Narnians) go home at the end of the movie because they are so disgusted with the idea of living near the Narnians that an unpredictable future in another land- any fucking land – is better.

Overall, if you can get over how much of a fuck up the prince is, you’ll like this movie. Oh Oh, and if you like magic, i loves the magic, i believe in it too. Especially if you believe that blowing in a horn can make 4 prepubescent children come to your town, then you’ll really love this movie. Seriously though, you’ll get your fill of fighting, guys dressed up as horses, horned beasts, and a tiger. Kinda like West Hollywood on Halloween.

The only thing i dont understand is why this movie is PG and Iron man, which has way less fighting and death, is PG 13. Please someone explain that to me.

I did Narnia, and shes a ho. You should do her too, if you get the chance.

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Star Wars Animated Fiasco: coming to a theater this summer. by moopiechops

Did you know that there was a Star Wars Preseq,middle of the- umm its somewhere before Leia gets knocked up and its after Padame becomes enamored with a kid who is at least 7 years younger than her. Lucas loves out of the norm sexual relations: Luke and Leia…. Padame and Annie…. (made that lezzy on prpose- lucase should have as well)

In Lucas’s long struggle against acting, he has finally found a medium that will get rid of any shed of human relation to the screen actor. He almost accomplished this with his choice to have Hayden Christensen play Anakin Skywalker. I would have rather seen the little kid do the whole series, as annoying as he was he was a slightly better actor, and it would have been hysterical to see him in the Vader suit at the end. The only thing better would be to put Jonah Hill in the Vader suit at the end and have him make some bionic cock joke.

This one is a totally animated adventure and discusses the time of the clone wars. I’m mildly interested. However, a quote from Lucas, in the Los Angeles Times Article, worries me, “There really isn’t any story to tell there,” the filmmaker said.. Truth be told George, we kinda knew that already. He also goes on to say that this transformation of Anakin into Darth is really the interesting part of the tale. Yes, maybe it could have been, but you already fucked that up with Revenge of the Sith. Truly did anyone really go see that movie to see the transformation of Anakin, or did we go to see an hour of Darth Vader killing off Jedis. Dissappointed again, but I wont vent on the old SW movies here. (I know… too late)

The cartoon- I mean, animated film will have a follow up television show. Fuck- in my desperation and hope for something that resembles the original series ill end up wasting my time and watching these. Damn you Lucas- you wizard, how do you make me watch your crap.

And when i do- did it! I’ll post that magnificent review right here!



This American Life: Live from New York by moopiechops

I was really excited for This American Life Live from New York. I waited too long to get tickets in West L.A. so we had to travel all the way to Burbank to partake in the experience. We left work early and made the trek from Venice to Burbank. Google’s estimates on this are so LA. 30 minutes – however up to 2 hours in traffic. Thankfully we escaped with a life charge of 1 hour. You’re luck my wife loves you Ira Glass

We got to the theater early and were captivated, because for about an hour they showed people being seated in the NYC theater. I felt a little bad for the New Yorkers, all bundled up in coats, its freakin may people get a grip its hot outside- oh yeah – not for you- greatest city in the world my ass. I’m sure it was great waiting outside the theater to get the prime seats. I’m also sure that it was a thrill to hear the phrase “all the way to the front people” uttered by the ushers. You could see the heartbreak on the faces as they released their death grips from the prime middle of the house seats and defeated made their way all the way to the front. Enjoy…

Back in L.A., I mean Burbank, my wife and i had staked out the prime middle seats. 15 minutes before the show and only one dude was sitting one seat away from my wife. But then of course, tragedy happened. And you have to understand, I Need My Space Bubble. When i go to the movies the usual buffer is 2 seats in either direction- it took me two years to break that down to one with my wife, and only recently have we actually started sitting side by side. Cue up the retarded blond and her friend. Mind you – the theater is 99% empty at this point. And there they are closer closer- ASS IN CHAIR, Bam direct right, and arm contact. I will need to wash this arm for days- who knows what this slut has. The show now officially sucks. My desire to watch the show did somehow overcome the rape of my space bubble. (It should be a freakin crime- Vince get on that!!).

Some people have described the Fog of War, well today i saw the Fog of Liberals as they ooozed their blue state liberal asses into the theater seats and mumbled their hatred of everything American. Don’t get me wrong i consider myself a liberal, but that theater was filled with uber liberals- i was tempted to call the CIA. In fact I think if the CIA would have been doing their job right, there would have been a choreographed terrorist attack on every theatre (yes i just spelled it theatre) that was showing this.

The warm up for the show is about 1000 hang man puzzles about Mathew Mconoghey- (I’m not going to take the time to spell this Texas ass-holes name right) It was fun for about a minute or so.
And the show beings….

The pieces were for the most part terrific. I don’t want to give too much away because im sure it will be available. The topics are:

1. Horse Riding in NY.

2. Couples stories: and how we remember things in such interesting ways.

3. The Iraq war: with a real Iraqi, (a good piece but depressing overall because it shows how little Americans really think and question whats told to them.

4. Kid Comedians: which i felt ill to see but ended up being pretty good. Most of the kids had the confidence of beaten kittens.

5. Dental Floss and Prison Escapes: thats all there is to say.

6. 12 Year Old Porno Script: the 12 year old has an interesting take on sex.

Even with the Liberal Ooze the show was great. The Iron Man crowd was leaving at the same time we were and I really thought they were going to kick our ass just for the hell of it.



Los Angeles Film Festival June 19-29 2008 by moopiechops

The Los Angeles Film Festival opens this June the 19th of the year 2008 in Westwood. Its an annual event held in June showcasing American and Foreign films over ten days. The festival allows the public to interact with some of the worlds best Actors, Directors, and up and coming stars. The festival started in 1995 under the name: Los Angeles International Film Festival (LAIFF)

In the past it has screened movies such as Dead Man, starring Johnny Depp, and Happy Endings, starring Lisa Kudrow. Some past winners include:

Audience Award for Best International Feature March of the Penguins, directed by Luc Jacquet

This year’s screenings have not yet been set. However submissions are closed.

I did find that Hot Chicks made it in. From what i gather its based on the comics of Jack T. Chick.

Here’s a sample.

There is also someone who has taken the time to write up some parodies of Jack’s work.