didordied


Chronicles of Narnia by moopiechops

I am Prince Caspian and I’m a total pussy. I liked the first movie, although i really think the effects were done by some lion obsessed 12 year old with a first release G4. When your lion looks like a dude in a bad cat suit you’ve got problems. Okay so maybe the lion looked alright, but the bear, that was a dude in a suit. The only thing he was missing was a diaper and masturbation. Thats right folks i referenced a masturbating bear.

The sequel to chronicles features prince Caspian (see the pussy above). The way i see it is his only role in the movie is to let all the racist (or whatever you call the people who hate Narnians for no other reason than the fact that they are Narnians) go home at the end of the movie because they are so disgusted with the idea of living near the Narnians that an unpredictable future in another land- any fucking land – is better.

Overall, if you can get over how much of a fuck up the prince is, you’ll like this movie. Oh Oh, and if you like magic, i loves the magic, i believe in it too. Especially if you believe that blowing in a horn can make 4 prepubescent children come to your town, then you’ll really love this movie. Seriously though, you’ll get your fill of fighting, guys dressed up as horses, horned beasts, and a tiger. Kinda like West Hollywood on Halloween.

The only thing i dont understand is why this movie is PG and Iron man, which has way less fighting and death, is PG 13. Please someone explain that to me.

I did Narnia, and shes a ho. You should do her too, if you get the chance.



Star Wars Animated Fiasco: coming to a theater this summer. by moopiechops

Did you know that there was a Star Wars Preseq,middle of the- umm its somewhere before Leia gets knocked up and its after Padame becomes enamored with a kid who is at least 7 years younger than her. Lucas loves out of the norm sexual relations: Luke and Leia…. Padame and Annie…. (made that lezzy on prpose- lucase should have as well)

In Lucas’s long struggle against acting, he has finally found a medium that will get rid of any shed of human relation to the screen actor. He almost accomplished this with his choice to have Hayden Christensen play Anakin Skywalker. I would have rather seen the little kid do the whole series, as annoying as he was he was a slightly better actor, and it would have been hysterical to see him in the Vader suit at the end. The only thing better would be to put Jonah Hill in the Vader suit at the end and have him make some bionic cock joke.

This one is a totally animated adventure and discusses the time of the clone wars. I’m mildly interested. However, a quote from Lucas, in the Los Angeles Times Article, worries me, “There really isn’t any story to tell there,” the filmmaker said.. Truth be told George, we kinda knew that already. He also goes on to say that this transformation of Anakin into Darth is really the interesting part of the tale. Yes, maybe it could have been, but you already fucked that up with Revenge of the Sith. Truly did anyone really go see that movie to see the transformation of Anakin, or did we go to see an hour of Darth Vader killing off Jedis. Dissappointed again, but I wont vent on the old SW movies here. (I know… too late)

The cartoon- I mean, animated film will have a follow up television show. Fuck- in my desperation and hope for something that resembles the original series ill end up wasting my time and watching these. Damn you Lucas- you wizard, how do you make me watch your crap.

And when i do- did it! I’ll post that magnificent review right here!



Enchanted, completely enchanted, oh so silly, and sweet and cute- WTF whats wrong with me? by moopiechops
May 7, 2008, 11:07 am
Filed under: Moopiechops, Movie Reviews, movies | Tags:

Oh enchanted your my little wicked pantless elf, running the four seasons through my living room. My wife picked this movie- and i pleaded with her not to, i said honey, there are only two things that can happen when we watch this; 1. I hate it, and you love it, and you hate me for hating it, (think back to Sex in the City, Medium, Queer as Folk, Where the boys arent– oh no wait, i loved that one….2. I love it and you think im gay- end of marriage, however possibility of getting in better shape and going to boys town. I love boys town, all the tight pants and Hanes snuggies. Its like a winter wonderland with balls as Xmas ornaments.

Alright i’ve scared myself enough. I really did try to hate this movie- i really tried hard, and there are plenty of moments where Patrick Dempsey is on screen and you think to yourself what an ass- not like in the gay way, as in Ooooh snuggle those shorts over here, what an ass- but the, what an ass on the douche bag side of assness. Well, i couldnt hate it. Not Dempsies ass- that i hate, but the movie i couldnt. It was well enough done and made light of the usually disney crap enough that i giggled like a sexually confused waxed chested little boy- yes my wife made me wax before we watched this, and Uncle Billy was there too- really weird night.

Anyway the movie is: Cartoon, song dance, real life, song dance, big fight, the end. Some dance scenes i swear were right out of Batman and Robin- they were gay.

One thing to mention is the main character, as all princesses in Disney movies, has a alarmingly close relationship with the wild kingdom. She has the ability, through song and dance of course, to make the animals do her bidding. For instance in one scene she decides she needs to clean- cue the whistle, cue the music- bam pigeons and rats clean the house. I was wondering what would happen if you placed her in the woods, and beat her a bit, just so shes bleeding a little. Then cue the hungry bear. Nature versus nurture, whistle and sing, rip and tear……

I did enchanted and enchanted did me back- i dont think i would watch it again, but i know i will. Especially since my wife already said “lets watch it again!”



Young At Heart Finale by moopiechops
May 2, 2008, 9:33 pm
Filed under: Movie Reviews | Tags: , , ,

In case anyone is interested I found a YouTube video that shows the last song form Young@Heart. I love the creative use of breathing apparatus as un-metered metronome. And to all the people that think this is good- or touching or anything like that- its NOT, its just really bad… But then again- I don’t have a heart, and I’m not sure this guy has much of one left. – i’m sorry that was low…. good effort…



This American Life: Live from New York by moopiechops

I was really excited for This American Life Live from New York. I waited too long to get tickets in West L.A. so we had to travel all the way to Burbank to partake in the experience. We left work early and made the trek from Venice to Burbank. Google’s estimates on this are so LA. 30 minutes – however up to 2 hours in traffic. Thankfully we escaped with a life charge of 1 hour. You’re luck my wife loves you Ira Glass

We got to the theater early and were captivated, because for about an hour they showed people being seated in the NYC theater. I felt a little bad for the New Yorkers, all bundled up in coats, its freakin may people get a grip its hot outside- oh yeah – not for you- greatest city in the world my ass. I’m sure it was great waiting outside the theater to get the prime seats. I’m also sure that it was a thrill to hear the phrase “all the way to the front people” uttered by the ushers. You could see the heartbreak on the faces as they released their death grips from the prime middle of the house seats and defeated made their way all the way to the front. Enjoy…

Back in L.A., I mean Burbank, my wife and i had staked out the prime middle seats. 15 minutes before the show and only one dude was sitting one seat away from my wife. But then of course, tragedy happened. And you have to understand, I Need My Space Bubble. When i go to the movies the usual buffer is 2 seats in either direction- it took me two years to break that down to one with my wife, and only recently have we actually started sitting side by side. Cue up the retarded blond and her friend. Mind you – the theater is 99% empty at this point. And there they are closer closer- ASS IN CHAIR, Bam direct right, and arm contact. I will need to wash this arm for days- who knows what this slut has. The show now officially sucks. My desire to watch the show did somehow overcome the rape of my space bubble. (It should be a freakin crime- Vince get on that!!).

Some people have described the Fog of War, well today i saw the Fog of Liberals as they ooozed their blue state liberal asses into the theater seats and mumbled their hatred of everything American. Don’t get me wrong i consider myself a liberal, but that theater was filled with uber liberals- i was tempted to call the CIA. In fact I think if the CIA would have been doing their job right, there would have been a choreographed terrorist attack on every theatre (yes i just spelled it theatre) that was showing this.

The warm up for the show is about 1000 hang man puzzles about Mathew Mconoghey- (I’m not going to take the time to spell this Texas ass-holes name right) It was fun for about a minute or so.
And the show beings….

The pieces were for the most part terrific. I don’t want to give too much away because im sure it will be available. The topics are:

1. Horse Riding in NY.

2. Couples stories: and how we remember things in such interesting ways.

3. The Iraq war: with a real Iraqi, (a good piece but depressing overall because it shows how little Americans really think and question whats told to them.

4. Kid Comedians: which i felt ill to see but ended up being pretty good. Most of the kids had the confidence of beaten kittens.

5. Dental Floss and Prison Escapes: thats all there is to say.

6. 12 Year Old Porno Script: the 12 year old has an interesting take on sex.

Even with the Liberal Ooze the show was great. The Iron Man crowd was leaving at the same time we were and I really thought they were going to kick our ass just for the hell of it.



This American Life in Burbank by moopiechops
May 1, 2008, 9:21 am
Filed under: Moopiechops, Movie Reviews | Tags: ,

I’m quite excited. My wife and I are going to see the broadcast of This American Life tomorrow. We were hoping to see if closer to home however, Burbank was the only place we could get seats. I’ll let you know how it goes tomorrow.

whats interesting on the linked site is that right below This American Life is First Blood.
Go Rambo kill that sissy boy from This American Life.



Great Reviews Are Hard To Find by moopiechops

I never really watched Siskel and Ebert much, and I believe its now Ebert and Roeper or Roper and Roberts, or something like that. I always thought that the reviews were a bit washed out and pretty soft. However I did run into a site of Ebert quotes from some of his reviews. I was impressed, there are some funny ones here.

I’ll give you a taste of what peacefire.org is all about. For Example:

“According to the press kit, Straight to Hell was “filmed in three weeks on a shoestring budget of $1 million,” but looks more as if it were filmed in one week on Cox’s MasterCard.”

“John Waters’ Pink Flamingos has been restored for its 25th anniversary revival, and with any luck at all that means I won’t have to see it again for another 25 years. If I haven’t retired by then, I will.”
The site goes on to explain: (Note: This movie is listed in the Ebert database as having a “zero stars” rating, but Ebert explains at the end of the review: “I am not giving a star rating to “Pink Flamingos”, because stars simply seem not to apply. It should be considered not as a film but as a fact, or perhaps as an object.”)

“Going to see Godzilla at the Palais of the Cannes Film Festival is like attending a satanic ritual in St. Peter’s Basilica.”